


Why did you leave?

by Tsukimi11



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Riku has dark thoughts about Tenn, Takes place after part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 14:50:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20137237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukimi11/pseuds/Tsukimi11
Summary: Riku wonders if Tenn hates him. He had left him for a reason, hadn't he?





	Why did you leave?

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I love the twins, I do! But sometimes I need to channel dark thoughts and feelings through my writing, and shit happens?

Riku knew he was being selfish, but he honestly thought he deserved to be selfish every once in a while.

He was in constant pain, his chest tightening almost painfully, his breath irregular, his hands shaking.

Surely he also had the right to try to get away from this ache, this void emptiness that threatened to fill up all the hole that had been cracking open since that day five years ago.

Even if he has to avoid Tenn, the person that was supposed to be his other half, his reason of existence.

It had been a silly dream, really.

A cluster of all the bad things his mind could think of, all the stress he must have been suffering from, in the shape of Tenn.

A Tenn he didn’t know of, who looked at Riku coldly, with empty eyes. A Tenn who looked down at him with hard glares and resented him from having stolen all the love from his parents, the happy childhood he was supposed to have had, the chance of having a loving family while he grew up. A Tenn who was happier when he wasn’t with Riku, who smiled at others but hissed at him.

A Tenn who hated Riku.

Riku had been shaking and crying when he woke up, but he quickly shook his head to clear his mind. This was about Tenn, his charming and angelic brother who had nothing but smiles and praises and love! How dare he think that Tenn would ever hate him!

And it might have been just coincidence after coincidence, but Riku’s worrywart brain couldn’t help but notice how maybe it hadn’t been all a dream.

If only Tenn had answered his messages throughout the day.

If only Tenn hadn’t ignored him after the initial greeting when they met in a television studio.

If only Tenn hadn’t brushed him off after the recording was over, saying how he needed to leave for another job he had scheduled.

If only Riku hadn’t seen in social media how Tenn had gone to eat out with Gaku and Ryuu, especially when Riku had asked him in the studio if they could have some private time to talk and Tenn had said he didn’t have the time.

Every little thing that day had reminded him of the dream, with a voice so similar to his own whispering in his ear, telling him things that maybe he should have known but had chosen to ignore out of his love for Tenn.

‘_ See, Tenn prioritizes Gaku and Ryu over you because he is happier with them. _’ 

‘_ This happens because Tenn only sees you as a burden, as a kid who hasn’t grown up who is always in his way. _’

‘_ Why can’t you understand that Tenn doesn’t want to spend time with you anymore? Thirteen years were more than enough and he is fed up with your presence.’ _

_ ‘The fact that other people keep saying that Tenn is actually a little demon and you haven’t seen that side of his is because he doesn’t trust you enough to be his real self around you. _’

Riku closed his eyes and tried to chase that voice away, his mantra of ‘_ Tenn-nii is an angel, Tenn-nii is an angel… _’ echoing meaninglessly in his mind. 

His heart clenched painfully, the loneliness he had felt the day that Tenn let go of his small hand to leave with Kujo resurfacing with a pang. Tenn was leaving, his back to Riku, and his steps took him further and further away, until all that was left was Riku standing by himself, chasing after a shadow that wouldn’t spare a glance at him, no matter how loud Riku screamed his brother’s name.

One day Riku woke up to see Tenn in the TV first thing in the morning, and he realized that he didn’t recognize the person that was standing there, using the face of his twin brother.

He looked so similar to the Tenn he had grown up with, but this was a different person.

To Riku, he even seemed happier, now that he didn’t have to take care of his sickly twin brother.

‘_ I am Kujo Tenn. The Nanase Tenn you knew doesn’t exist anymore.’ _

_ ‘Don’t call me Tenn-nii.’ _

_ ‘Even if you chase after me, the only ones who can stand next to me are Gaku and Ryuu. There’s no place for you.’ _

The voice was so similar to Tenn that Riku actually thought that Tenn had said those things out aloud in the TV.

But that was the thing, wasn’t it?

Tenn wasn’t wrong.

Tenn had removed himself from the Nanase family registry, so he was Riku’s big brother no more. And his team members would always be Gaku and Ryuu. Riku would never be able to sing alongside him in a duet, even if it had always been his childhood dream and Tenn was aware of it.

He stared blankly at the TV, eyes suddenly empty and feeling the void starting to fill him.

Riku did nothing to stop the pain.

He didn’t deserve to.

“Tenn onii-chan.”

Two words.

Two simple words, and that was enough to shatter the rest of Riku’s fragile mental state.

There she stood, Tamaki’s younger sister, calling Tenn in a way that was supposed reserved only for him. And Tenn turned to her, and smiled so gently that the world stopping spinning under Riku’s feet, because all those times he called Tenn and he only got reprimands, and now someone came who could call Tenn as her family and Tenn was so soft with her.

Tenn was supposed to be Riku’s brother, but Tenn kept trying to deny their relationship in public. And to Riku, the scene in front of him seemed like Tenn went and looked for another sibling, someone who would be more worthy of him, someone who he didn’t have to keep worrying because any stress and he would land in the hospital.

Tenn wasn’t Riku’s brother anymore.

That title was for Aya.

It hurt.

Tenn was now laughing at something Aya had said. And it was such a tender face, and he seemed so happy…

Riku felt he was intruding in something he was no longer part of. So he turned his back and left, ignoring the maddening _ thump thump _of his heart and the dry tears that refused to come.

  


The dark room was lit with a notification message from his phone.

It was from Tenn.

‘_ Riku, are you ok?’ _

Riku almost wanted to laugh dryly, because he was not okay, he hadn’t been okay in five years, and only now did <strike> his brother </strike> Tenn dare ask if everything was okay.

But it was fine. Because Riku had lived five whole years with that bleeding hole in his heart. It had only been recently that the hole opened and everything shattered, but it was fine. 

He had survived five agonizing years wondering if Tenn had left because he hated him. Surely he could survive the rest of his life knowing that Tenn would never be his family again. 

Tenn was just another stranger. An stranger that wore the mask of his most precious person.

There was a knock on his door, and Riku didn’t have to look up to know that Iori had come to check up on him.

Iori’s footsteps were soft, careful, and timely. Just listening to them was enough to know who they belonged to. 

And Riku didn’t have to look to know that Iori was worried, his gentle voice showing how concerned he was.

“Iori,” Riku said, looking up finally. “Am I so bad that Tenn left me? Because he hates me?”

Something inside Iori’s eyes broke, before softening and then he, slowly, held Riku in a warm hug that left him know that no, he wasn’t a bad person. That he was a nice kid with a big, gentle heart. That he wouldn’t be alone because he had Idolish7 with him.

That he was more than enough.

Riku sobbed on Iori’s shirt and, for once, Iori said nothing, just comforting Riku silently.

Riku’s phone came to life again with another text.

It went unread for days.

**Author's Note:**

> "Riku has been avoiding me."  
Gaku stared at Tenn, really observing him. The Tenn that always looked so composed, so calm even in the direst situations, looked small and fragile and hurt, grasping his phone in those delicate fingers of his. There was something in those violet eyes that was crying and demanding answers, not understanding why his messages went unread, why his brother barely greeted back when they met each other, why Riku was not smiling as much as before.  
For how much Tenn boasted to be a mature person, Gaku realized that he was still a kid inside, still fighting against his inner demons and his emotions, and sighed.  
"We have the afternoon off," he said nonchalantly, because he knew that if he tried to pry too much it would have the contrary effect. "And I had something to discuss in person with Nikkaido at their place. Want to come with me?"  
Tenn's eyes sparkled back with life, and Gaku smiled.  
Even if he had to owe a favor back to Nikkaido, at least he knew that it would have been worth it, the way that Tenn stood up eagerly and looked back at him as if to tell him to hurry up.  
Gaku chuckled softly.  
If Tenn could learn to be a little more honest with himself and with Nanase, then everything would be easier, he mused, and chased after Tenn so they could go to the i7 dorm.


End file.
